Techniques used to protect yourself from your abuser/ narcissistic

No matter how gently we approach them no matter how hard we work to set aside our own anger or silence some narcissists won’t change.

Narcissists can be difficult people to deal with. Their minds are limited in a way that prevents them from truly looking outside themselves, and their worlds are limited entirely to the internal while excluding the external. There are many circumstances that could have caused someone to develop into a narcissistic personality, and many forms of narcissism, but there are also a few following basic techniques that you can implement when dealing with the narcissist.

Low contact or no contact:

No contact means blocking numbers of unwanted people, making sure any emails from their address go into your spam folder, and deleting them off social media. This is tough, but mental health councillor Dr Stephanie Sarkis explains in a blog post on Psychology that it’s the best option, because sooner or later the narcissist will find a way to return.

The narcissist will try to contact you if you cut off their contact methods, and they know just what to say to make you come back. So you have to be brutal, and fast. It may be best to break up with them over text also, so they can’t manipulate you any further.

Consider also removing people you have in common with social media. It might seem harsh, but sometimes it’s just better to start completely fresh and remove any association of the narcissist from your life, psychologists advise. This includes their friends and family, from all social networks: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

The more connections you still have to each other, the more opportunities the narcissist has to slide back into your life somehow. They could also use their friends to try and make you jealous.

You do not have to inform someone that you are cutting them off, although some people do inform, and use this as an opportunity to express how to hurt they have been by their behaviour of parents.

So you have a range of options to consider. Like, do not let your mother-in-law an unfettered access to you, your children, your house, your time, energy or emotions. You can make decisions according to your comfort level. With the good boundaries around you, unwanted people can be managed properly so that their impact on your life is reduced

Boundaries and ethics for empathy:

Empathy is what makes us human. The more we are sensitive to other people’ feelings and needs, the greater the chance of harmony and creating a beautiful world. Every individual knows that the love, mercy and hope are the divine qualities that keep our world running.

But sometimes empathy is what slowly and silently kills us. Being a people-pleaser takes its toll. It is tiring to be polite to people who take your love for granted and treat you like a doormat. It is painful to care for someone unconditionally and feel the thorn of betrayal or insensitivity, unconditionally and feel the thorn of betrayal or insensitivity. It kills when your empathy, instead of being reciprocated, is repaid with the negative response.

Letting other people take advantage of our kindness is a trap, in which few individuals fall into. But there’s a simple way to get out of it. You do not need to change your personality into someone who is callous or rude. You do not need to swap your soft-cornered heart with hard-heartedness. You do not need to compromise your ethics or beliefs at all.

Instead, you need to direct all that love, kindness and care towards your own self by erecting firm boundaries. You need to realize that in order to make this world a better place, you need to be satisfied with what you are. You need to prioritize your needs in order to remain in good shape and high spirits. By doing this, you create a positive and uplifting frame of mind that allows you to function better, and be attuned to other people’s need. In short, you need to take care of yourself, in order to take care of the world.

Learn to say no:

Learn to say no, especially to those who don’t value your time or respect you. Even if you feel duty-bound to help that person, remember that it is you and your needs that must come first. Ask yourself: if I’m sick, how will I help those who need me? Politely reject people when you are not comfortable in obliging with demands of others.

Trust your gut:

Keep an eye on all those energy-suckers who always sulk and find reasons to complain. Listen to your heart. If something doesn’t feel right, leave immediately. If you feel someone is trying to take advantage of you, dissociate yourself instead of making up an excuse for them.

Heal yourself with self-love:

Heal yourself by becoming more selfish, and less selfless and realize that there is nothing wrong with doing such selfish acts. Schedule some ‘me time’ for yourself, every single day, and guard it zealously from energy-suckers. Pamper уоurѕеlf with treats–whether it’s indulging in Swiѕѕ chocolates, going for a bath with essential oils and aroma candles, or simply being in the moment and feeling beautiful for being who you are. Stop giving attention to other narcissist surrounding you. Take a break from them and enjoy yourself, being the person you are.

Grey Rock

If you can’t go “No Contact” with a Narcissist, because you have children with them, or you are somehow unable to get them out of your life for whatever reason, you can implement a technique called “Gray Rock”. Gray Rock is where you become as exciting and interesting as, well, a grey rock. The goal is to blend into the background and become the most boring, unreactive person they’ve ever met. The reason being is that if you can quit being a source of supply for their drama and attention, they will eventually leave you alone.

How to go grey rock?

Do not respond with any emotion when they try and provoke you. Keep in mind that because they have no values they have no empathy and no remorse.  They only know what you value by the level of your reaction so to beat them at their game and don’t react. Practice your non-reactions with a trusted friend or in the mirror, or go over different things you know they might say to instigate you and then practice being nonreactive.  Because Narcissists thrive on chaos and drama, they will eventually become disinterested and turn their attention elsewhere if they can’t get a rise out of you.

In order to go Gray Rock, when you must engage with the Narcissist, only talk about boring things: your laundry, getting your oil changed, doing your taxes. Do not talk about anything that will make them jealous or in any way encourages them to cause drama. Do not talk about how great things are going for you, or any accomplishments you or your children are having, or how great your life is now that they aren’t in it. Do not talk about upcoming vacations, current boyfriends, sports tournaments the kids are in, weddings or anything that is remotely interesting. When they try and push your buttons (and they will), don’t react. Don’t try and get them to see how hurtful their behaviour was (and is). Take all the blame for the relationship, and make them think it’s not them it’s you. Doing this takes away their ability to argue and create drama and chaos. As far as you are concerned there is nothing interesting about you or your children, and if they blame you for everything just agree. Smile and nod and get away from them.

It is so hard to do. I get it. I really do. However, the only two ways to get them out of your life are to either go no contact or go to Gray Rock. And the sooner you can get them out of your life, the sooner you can start to heal.

By |2018-12-29T15:21:14+00:00December 10th, 2018|Methods and Tips for Emotional Healing|